Remembrance

Today was the twins' due date.

I tried to keep occupied as much as possible and it helped to keep my mind off of things.

I found myself talking to the little Man-Cub about his brother and sister while driving (I've always thought it was one of each) and I tried to celebrate being pregnant.  Today his big belly kicks were really strong - and it really helped me grasp that THIS baby is the one I am going to raise.  

And I felt lucky.

I know I will never fully recover from this loss, but I am hopeful that I can move on.  

In some ways, finally reaching their due date has brought a sense of closure to this chapter in my life.  I feel a little bit at peace - though I still have an ache in my heart that I am unsure will ever fully go away.