Sometimes I almost feel guilty when I find myself excited for our little Man-Cub to get here. I stop myself and think "But you should ALREADY have two babies here to love. Man-Cub shouldn't even be in the picture!"
I know they wouldn't want me to feel that way, and I know I am exceptionally fortunate to have gotten pregnant so soon after my miscarriage. I just don't know if my heart was healed enough.
I know I'll never fully understand why God didn't let me keep my two sweet babies, but I know there is a plan. And I know that this baby, as well as the short time I was able to carry the twins, was a precious gift to Jake and I.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately, too. I'm not having too hard of a time or feeling guilty about being so excited for THIS child, though, even though I will always love and remember that first baby, who'd be due June 4.
ReplyDeleteI really think things happen the way they are meant to, and as sad as it is, maybe you weren't meant to have those babies, but now you ARE meant to have Man-Cub - and he'd never be here if life had played out differently.
I think you should always hold a special place in your heart for those babies, but you shouldn't feel the least bit guilty about feeling so excited about and loving toward this baby boy.
Erin (ENev)